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 Uploading ....Changing the outside to leave the inside intact. Change is the central element of the manipulator’s personality. He/She refuses to look inside himself/herself, because if he/she did so by exploring himself/herself and dealing with the world around (he/she is so intelligent as to avoid doing it), he would find out what he really is, which terrorizes him/her. This is the terror of terrors, what he/she has always hidden since he/she was a child, the fear of disapproval, of the painful truth, of the toil it would take to put things back in order. As a child, one would find all these difficulties dreadful, enormous, unsurmountable. Some fears have not been adequately dealt with or have even been fostered by immature, violent or generally unfit parents. If he/she only knew that he would suffer his whole life from not having dealt with that limited, albeit disturbing, pain, that disapproval is a petty thing, that the job which is scaring him/her now would one day be acceptable or even likeable … it is the deceptive brain of an individual left to himself/herself when he/she was still a virgin at trying to grasp reality on his/her own.
I think this is a very important issue and I would like to tell a story that could exemplify the above-mentioned considerations: have you ever played any prank as a child? Say, broken a windowpane, a precious object or something dear to people you know? It feels awful, does it not? You feel sorry because you understand you have done something bad, but ... you are scared. You are scared of the ensuing punishment, so you will likely choose to keep your mouth shut about it.
Perhaps you are also a lively and vivacious child and you will play another prank of the same kind the next day. You will feel awful this time as well, so there will be another omissive silence, and so on … the first time the bad way you feel can be compared to the fear of the ensuing punishment, but after so many pranks you have played – and have never confessed - unto others … well, the pain caused by the sorrow for not having confessed them is not as great as the pain you would have faced should you have decided on confessing them … and so on and so forth …
So, over time you manage to live with this sorrow, to bury it like a piece of glass covered with a layer of soil. Day after day you bury your transparency and honesty and stand on shaky ground, left with this subtle pain for your prankishness – you will certainly not be happy and free, but after all, this has begun when you were a child, when you were totally unable to properly understand and appreciate happiness and freedom ... perhaps because neither could your parents … rapt and lost as they were in their own conflicts, or because happiness and freedom do not even exist, so there is no point in making a point of them, so from now on you will stop making a point of them. After all, there is more to it in life than happiness and freedom. You actually convince yourself that sooner or later you will find a way to buy them or take them away from somebody else, yes! Take them away from somebody else, just as they did to you, which you think is fair and normal – that’s life, you must be sly and tough, this will be your battlefield.
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